Wednesday, November 15, 2006
Why Do I Always Answer the Door?
This is the question I always ask myself right as I'm turning the doorknob to my place in Lethbridge. My roommates usually don't have friends over, and my friends only come over when we're carpooling somewhere else. They never bother with the door; they just honk. When my doorbell rings in the middle of the afternoon, it's only ever for one reason: to convert the heathens within.
In the space of about ten days, I've gotten two separate visits from two separate groups of Jehovah's Witnesses. Now, you might remember from previous posts that I don't mind so much when the Mormons come over because they tend to be friendly and very good-looking. More importantly though, is that when you tell Mormons you're not interested in what they're offering, they'll wish a pleasant day and go on to the next house. JWs, on the other hand, are only ever fake-friendly, never ever good-looking, and have the irritating habit of leaning into the doorway so that when you tell them you're not interested in what they're offering, you still can't close the door for fear of assault charges.
The first couple, a middle-aged man and woman, arrived while I was in the middle of making a very complicated breakfast, which subsequently was burned. After first leaning into the doorway, the woman offered me a pamphlet which could educate me on the matter of the False Religion. (Theirs?) Remembering my lesson with the Mormons last year, I didn't touch the pamphlet or let her continue speaking. I interrupted immediately and said I wasn't interested. Oh, did I already have a belief system? Er, yes. Yes I did. The man piped in from the back: but did I know that learning about the False Religion would make the world a better and more peaceful place? I said something to the equivalent of, "Sure. Whatever." and stated again, a little more rudely than before, that I was absolutely not interested. I refused to smile or give them any other kind of indication that I didn't mind if they stayed on my step. I could smell the back bacon starting to smoke. They only left when I started to close the door on them - slowly at first, but with the clear intent of shutting it whether they were still leaning into its path or not.
The second pair came today while I was talking on the phone. Once again, as I turned the knob, I wondered why I even bothered at all. It's rude to leave people hanging on the other end of the phone, after all. And it was a long-distance call! Roll eyes, open door, step back as they lean in... This time, it was a pair or middle-aged women, neither of which I'd seen before in my life, but the first thing the front one said to me was, "Oh! I think I caught you on the phone the last time I was here! Ha ha!" She did the usual routine of trying to offer me a pamphlet - this time asking "WHY?" Why does the world seem unjust? (I imagine by their philosophy, poor people are poor because God hates them for not being JWs.) Why does God seem to be indifferent? (He's not indifferent... if you're a JW.) Why is the world in the state it is today? (Because hardly anyone is a JW of course!) And once again, I did the usual routine of trying to convince her I didn't want anything to do with her scary recruiting tactics. Then she tried to tell me that I was already a bible reader - she knew because she'd met me before, remember? Trying to push away thoughts of my last religion class (in which I did read a whole lot of the bible), I gave her a solid you're-a-crazy-person look and told her I definitely wasn't a bible reader. And no, I didn't want her second pamphlet that would teach me why it's good to read the bible. They shooed away when I started to close the door again.
Yeesh! Leave me alone! You know, I really don't have anything against their beliefs, just their practices. I wish they'd stop trying to take me in! I'm perfectly happy not knowing anything about God, the afterlife, or my purpose on this planet. Frankly, I feel a lot less ignorant not knowing anything at all than I would if I believed their view of the truth.
I don't know much about God, but I sure would like to know why I always answer the door anyway.
In the space of about ten days, I've gotten two separate visits from two separate groups of Jehovah's Witnesses. Now, you might remember from previous posts that I don't mind so much when the Mormons come over because they tend to be friendly and very good-looking. More importantly though, is that when you tell Mormons you're not interested in what they're offering, they'll wish a pleasant day and go on to the next house. JWs, on the other hand, are only ever fake-friendly, never ever good-looking, and have the irritating habit of leaning into the doorway so that when you tell them you're not interested in what they're offering, you still can't close the door for fear of assault charges.
The first couple, a middle-aged man and woman, arrived while I was in the middle of making a very complicated breakfast, which subsequently was burned. After first leaning into the doorway, the woman offered me a pamphlet which could educate me on the matter of the False Religion. (Theirs?) Remembering my lesson with the Mormons last year, I didn't touch the pamphlet or let her continue speaking. I interrupted immediately and said I wasn't interested. Oh, did I already have a belief system? Er, yes. Yes I did. The man piped in from the back: but did I know that learning about the False Religion would make the world a better and more peaceful place? I said something to the equivalent of, "Sure. Whatever." and stated again, a little more rudely than before, that I was absolutely not interested. I refused to smile or give them any other kind of indication that I didn't mind if they stayed on my step. I could smell the back bacon starting to smoke. They only left when I started to close the door on them - slowly at first, but with the clear intent of shutting it whether they were still leaning into its path or not.
The second pair came today while I was talking on the phone. Once again, as I turned the knob, I wondered why I even bothered at all. It's rude to leave people hanging on the other end of the phone, after all. And it was a long-distance call! Roll eyes, open door, step back as they lean in... This time, it was a pair or middle-aged women, neither of which I'd seen before in my life, but the first thing the front one said to me was, "Oh! I think I caught you on the phone the last time I was here! Ha ha!" She did the usual routine of trying to offer me a pamphlet - this time asking "WHY?" Why does the world seem unjust? (I imagine by their philosophy, poor people are poor because God hates them for not being JWs.) Why does God seem to be indifferent? (He's not indifferent... if you're a JW.) Why is the world in the state it is today? (Because hardly anyone is a JW of course!) And once again, I did the usual routine of trying to convince her I didn't want anything to do with her scary recruiting tactics. Then she tried to tell me that I was already a bible reader - she knew because she'd met me before, remember? Trying to push away thoughts of my last religion class (in which I did read a whole lot of the bible), I gave her a solid you're-a-crazy-person look and told her I definitely wasn't a bible reader. And no, I didn't want her second pamphlet that would teach me why it's good to read the bible. They shooed away when I started to close the door again.
Yeesh! Leave me alone! You know, I really don't have anything against their beliefs, just their practices. I wish they'd stop trying to take me in! I'm perfectly happy not knowing anything about God, the afterlife, or my purpose on this planet. Frankly, I feel a lot less ignorant not knowing anything at all than I would if I believed their view of the truth.
I don't know much about God, but I sure would like to know why I always answer the door anyway.
