Monday, January 23, 2006
Blow Me Down!
Ignore those fears of meteors and stop worrying about earthquakes. Forget about hurricanes and tornados entirely. Here in Lethbridge, we've got the pure essence of those disasters without all that "rain" and "debris" garbage that puff them up so much. We disregard all that extra crap and stick to the pure basics. When our public warning system sounds, it's not because Godzilla is on his latest rampage, but because Mary Poppins would get much more than she bargained for if she opened that charming little umbrella of hers. Especially if she did it during a chinook like the one we had today.
The wind here reaches truly epic proportions sometimes, and I loathe it violently, but I can't say it hasn't taught me a few things this past year.
1. Never put any real effort into your hair. It's an utter waste of time.
2. Always carry around a couple Tylonol. It'll feel like you're being incessantly beaten once you step outside.
3. Prepare to be embarrassed while attempting to open west-facing doors.
4. Always walk behind the cars in parking lots, otherwise you'll be blown over completely.
5. It's not a bad idea to carry around a spare oxygen tank. Inhaling normally can become a rather tricky business.
6. A heavy backpack isn't always a bad thing. It'll help to keep you weighted down.
7. Avoid skirts all together. Unless you're into that sort of thing...
8. Learn to love your hunchback. Walking bent over for a couple years should make it permanent.
9. All that howling at night isn't werewolves. You can come out from under the covers now.
10. Just because your thermometer says it's twenty degrees out doesn't mean you should change into shorts. The wind-chill will make it feel like it's only four.
And pay no attention to that superstition about opening umbrellas indoors. Mary Poppins can tell you it's worse to try it outside.
The wind here reaches truly epic proportions sometimes, and I loathe it violently, but I can't say it hasn't taught me a few things this past year.
1. Never put any real effort into your hair. It's an utter waste of time.
2. Always carry around a couple Tylonol. It'll feel like you're being incessantly beaten once you step outside.
3. Prepare to be embarrassed while attempting to open west-facing doors.
4. Always walk behind the cars in parking lots, otherwise you'll be blown over completely.
5. It's not a bad idea to carry around a spare oxygen tank. Inhaling normally can become a rather tricky business.
6. A heavy backpack isn't always a bad thing. It'll help to keep you weighted down.
7. Avoid skirts all together. Unless you're into that sort of thing...
8. Learn to love your hunchback. Walking bent over for a couple years should make it permanent.
9. All that howling at night isn't werewolves. You can come out from under the covers now.
10. Just because your thermometer says it's twenty degrees out doesn't mean you should change into shorts. The wind-chill will make it feel like it's only four.
And pay no attention to that superstition about opening umbrellas indoors. Mary Poppins can tell you it's worse to try it outside.
